How Tolerance Helps Relationships
Patience in relationships is perhaps the most difficult thing that everyone who wants to preserve their relationships and live a happy family life has to learn. Yet we are all very different creatures. And to accept another person with all of their flaws is not an easy task.
Everyone went through situations where they reached the limit of patience, and it seemed that there was no longer any strength to withstand a given situation any further. But a little time passed, the emotions subsided, and we understood that some circumstances had benefited us; we had gained experience, learned the hidden features of our personalities. Relations that were on the verge of breaking were gradually restored, and endless disputes and misunderstandings became less frequent or completely disappeared.
How can one become patient in a relationship?
First of all, understand for yourself that tolerating does not mean accepting and allowing someone to abuse you. Patience in relationships is a synonym for compromise; it is associated with the ability to give up something for the sake of greater good. The opposite of patience is vanity, poor decision making, and egoism. And when the ball of patience eventually bursts, we become the main candidates for making serious mistakes.
You do not need a lot of strength to become more patient with your partner; just do not give up at the sight of the first difficulties – accept the fact that emotions in a relationship are normal. The words spoken during a family dispute, in most cases, have no relation to the real state of affairs.
Patience in a relationship requires no less a degree of responsibility. Imagine a situation when everything is perfect, a relationship suits us, and we let everything take its course. Such a situation would lead us to certain “surprises” in the form of various disagreements. When you are screaming at your partner and tell them that you are out of patience, do you really mean it? Are you ready to end this relationship? In reality, people are almost never ready for such a decision.
How to become more tolerant?
Always carry a small toy with you: a favorite key chain, a fidget toy, or another thing that you can turn your attention to in moments of anger and irritation. Make it a personal symbol of calmness; set yourself a goal to not be nervous while looking at it. The well-known fact is that in order to quickly calm down, you just need to get distracted and switch your thoughts to something else. You should turn your attention to that toy during the next disagreement with your partner.
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Try to see yourself from a different perspective
Agree that when you are in a fit of anger, you are not really yourself. Rise a little higher than your emotions and look at the situation more broadly. This method is especially great if you are a calm and rational person. If you want to become better, do not pretend that you are acting rationally if you are actually not.
Learn to control your thoughts
One wise man said, “Our thoughts are like birds. We cannot forbid them to fly over our heads, but we can prevent them from laying their nest in it.” Do not take to heart everything that comes to your mind – a lot of such things are just illusions and baseless fantasies. If you don’t like it when your spouse stays at work for such a long time that the subconscious mind begins to paint certain pictures in your mind, making you think that your partner is cheating on you, take a deep breath and answer yourself the following question – do you really have a reason to worry about this situation, or is it just your selfishness? It is quite often not that really hard to understand a situation; we just do not always try to do it. Having a positive approach will have a great effect on your relationships in the long-term, which is very important.
Enjoy the present things
Many people can never learn patience in relationships because they do not know how to live in the present moment; they can’t enjoy what they have right now. They do not notice the happiness that they get from their children; they can only focus on their jealousy towards their spouse. They are practically waiting for the moment when someone in their family screws up so they will be able to criticize them. Their whole lives are filled with vanity and anxiety. Have a look at your relationships – are you satisfied with their state? What is good in them? What can you enjoy about them today?